1.) It's a new life. I grew up in the same town and went to school with the same people my whole life. I only got away for one year, and I didn't want to then. But now? Now I want a new life. I want a fresh start. I don't want to be around people who know the person I once was. I don't want to be around people who don't respect that I'm not the person they did drugs with back in the day. I want to be somebody and I don't see that happening here. So yes I wanna move. And although I will be living with my two best friends, Shannen and Kelson, I will still get a fresh start. They have always been supportive of me, and I want them both in my life forever.
2. Because my dad is from Missoula. I never knew him, so I never felt close to him. But there...there I do. I dont know how to explain the feeling. But I'm ready to know my dad. I know that sounds really weird since he's been dead for 13 years...but growing up I had a lot of answers I wanted but was too angry to ask the questions. Now, I forgive my dad for leaving. (kinda). And I wanna know why he did, what happened? Everything. And I don't just mean my moms side of the story because that has changed a few times over the years. I still talk to all my family on his side, and his ashes are spread in the mountains outside my grandparents house. I think that's the perfect place to start getting to know who my dad was.
3.) Every motherfucking time I turn around, I'm being told I can't do this. I'm being told I'm going to fail. I'm being told I won't make it there. I'm being told that I CAN'T. and that's bullshit. Because I CAN. And the more I get told I can't, the more determined I am to prove that i fucking CAN. and more importantly, I WILL.
You know, my aunt said the greatest thing the other day. My mom is the one fighting me on this the most. And my aunt said; "So it's okay for your mom to decide what's best for you - against everything you want - and pick up and move you across the country to be with people you can't stand because 'it's bettering your life' but when you want to decide to better your life and move away from bad influences and surround yourself with people you love, suddenly you're wrong and you don't know what's best for you. Whos place is it to decide what's best for you? Only you. Do what you need to do. I'll miss you, but I'd rather miss you and have you happy than have you here and have you be miserable. Do what you gotta do."
So naturally my aunt is my favorite family member.
I am going to Missoula. I will make this work. Maybe it'll be hard at first. But I know that with Shannen and Kelson by my side, I can do anything. Look how far I've come in just the last two months almost entirely thanks to them helping me at my lowest. Look how far Kelson has helped me come in the last two years. Those two are real friends. They care when I'm having a bad day. They care when I'm having a good day. They care all the time. Those are the kind of people I need in my life. Full time friends. Not halfass sometimes-I-care-but-only-if-I-feel-like-it friends.
Missoula is happening. April 27th, 2013. It's happening. No matter what any of you say. You can either support us or get the fuck out of our way. Your call.
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